**Deep inhale** **Deep exhale**
What do you smell? Most likely its something that you have put out into the atmospehere. Your breath, your scent, your beliefs. All right there in your immediate air for you and everyone around you to sense.
I recently had some spare time where I was able to over indulge in something I never even think about:TV!! Most times I was watching with family members and almost always it was either a movie or a SVU marathon. As much of a pleasure it was it also was a learning lesson about love unconditional, acceptance, and fear.
As commercial breaks came on I noticed one person would always get squeamish or negative regarding a television show ad with gay men advertised. The commentary regarding the dislike for a certain show was usually cloaked in words of rejection and general unacceptance until they became more direct. This is when I noticed the repetitive distaste for gay males in television and in general.
I watched and took note for almost 2weeks before the opportunity presented itself before I asked “Why don’t you like males that are gay?” This took us through a 2 hour spontaneous conversation about loving people as they are. Fully depicted by scenarios using mutual friends, family members, and even ourselves as example subjects. But even as another party entered the conversation briefly and could clearly see both sides that were being discussed the other party was not allowing themselve to understand the words that I spoke nor admit outwardly that there WAS truly a difference in the way they viewed the Gay and Lesbian community. Though it was apparent in their distain to all things representing the gay community they refused to believe that they had such an apparent hate for them. But was able to slightly admit that anyone in that life style “Has nothing to talk about” and that they could “never have anything in common with me”. As they believe that their entire world view is unlike any normal person.
Though I was not tired of stating my views on the issue I realised it was time for me to bring our discussion to a close. Thankfully I was able to drop the final nugget of conversation in a way that made the opposer see what I meant regarding their unacceptance. I know they didn’t immediatly decide to go and hug or love every gay or lesbian in a 20 mile radius. But they took a minute and let their reactions on the subject sink-in… Ting!!! Mission Complete!
For a brief moment…the opposition smelled the air around them and realised that what they put out was not as pleasant as they thought.Some stenches you can’t cover up, and hate is one of them.
This conversation was a pleasant reminder to evaluate the things I say versus what I show and how I love. And I hope everyday its unconditionaly.
The very next day I felt a.lot better. Today I feel better than the day before…
I think I just need to do things to put me back on the other side if life. This life I’m living now is most certainly not for me.
Thinking, thinking, thinking…
Re-evaluating what I have to offer.
Sometimes there isn’t a single thing in this world that can stop you from crying or make you feel better. And the more you search the harder it gets to see.
So now that my nose is runny, my ears are soaked, and my eyes hurt… I’ll lay here. I’ll breathe in deep to try to slow my breath and appreciate my existence.There are days when I don’t appreciate it as much as I used to, but amen I never resent it. Right now is just “one of those moments” in “one of those days” that just come bout.
Thank God I don’t have to explain it to anyone because my energy is just NOT there. Right now my only solution to the sadness that exists is to just BE. I don’t even know where it came from. I just know its here.
♬I need your grace/to remind me/ to find my own. ♬
(I guess that will be the very last time I watch Pretty Woman and eat chocolate cupcakes back to back… The results are absolutely depressing.)
Who do you do it for when you have no motivation left?
It’s a constant struggle, but I have to remind myself its my job to be the best Me I can be every… day.
That take a WHOLE lot…
(Imma need a bigger: ⚓)
I have been toying with the idea of spilling the beans on the whole situation about me and Mr. Mystery Man of 2013. I think I will have to wait on that one for a second cuz if Imma tell it I want to tell the WHOLE thing (minus the parts where I look like the bad guy of course) IDK we shall see about that one….! S/O to my 3 Readers (Alaska, Ithaca, and Harker Heights-I know my niece be spying on me… smh)
Sooooo!!! I got my friend Erica to agree to do a guest posting on here. I will set the warnings up right now:
I am NOT responsible for what she says!! And her opinion though usually I agree with them do not reflect those of Abrian White or her (my) subsidiaries. lol (Real official right!?!)
OH! And anything she says about me that could be potentially damaging to my future position as a Presidential Candidate is probably not true.
Thanks! You have officially be briefed!!